Much loved spouse, father, grandfather, great grandfather, son, brother, and friend Lyle W. Ashby, Jr. of Dennis, MA died on December 22, 2024. Lyle was surrounded by family and dedicated, warm-hearted healthcare professionals during his final days. He will be deeply missed by all of those he touched with his kind, gentle and generous spirit.

Lyle was born to Lyle W. Ashby, Sr. and Annetta Anderson Ashby in Washington, DC March 4, 1937. He was raised in Washington, DC and after completing high school went on to receive a Bachelor of Arts in religion from Oberlin College in 1959. While at Oberlin he played on the Championship Lacrosse team for 4 years…he loved the game! He moved to New York City and earned his Master’s Degree in theology from Union Seminary. He was ordained as a Methodist minister and his first assignment was at two churches in Maryland in the early 1960s. Both churches grew and in one year he became the full-time minister of the larger one.

Throughout his life Lyle was a man of deep integrity and dedication to just causes. He participated in the Martin Luther King March on Washington and attended peaceful protests in Washington to end the war in Vietnam in the 1960s. With an eye toward improving the lives of our collective community he earned a second master’s degree from the University of Pittsburgh in the late 1960s, this one in city planning. He went on to work in New York City as a city planner with Mayor Lindsey. That work eventually took him to Connecticut where he was a city planner and then real estate developer in greater Hartford. He remained active in the church as a layperson, then in the early 90’s, following his desire to return to the ministry, he became an interim minister at the Southbury Congregational church and then East Haddam Congregational church. Upon hearing of Lyle’s recent passing one East Haddam congregant said, “First Church was blessed to have Reverend Lyle. His knowledge and dignity made for thought provoking sermons. He was a powerful, gentle soul.”

His family considered Lyle to be their Renaissance man. He loved to read and had an extensive vocabulary and the ability to share the most minute, minuscule trivia facts to engage in a broad range of conversation topics. He could have a meaningful chat with anyone, at once both silly and profound. He loved to fix things and spent hours on the task at hand with remarkable patience. He built and rebuilt and updated his computer many times over the years. He troubleshot household systems with his kids. He crawled into small places, hit his head abundantly, and almost always won the battle to get things working again. He loved to watch sports and movies with his family. He knew how to renovate, woodwork, clean, enjoy a meal, and always had room for cookies and ice cream. He was accepting of all individuals and supported and nurtured anyone who was in need. He was steady and kind. He had a gentleness of spirit that was somehow palpable. Along with a subtle wit he also had an inquisitive eyebrow, sideways glance, and twinkle in his blue eyes that he used with expertise to communicate his thoughts and bring a smile to others.

Lyle is survived by his loving wife, Joanne C. Ashby. Their love for one another was one of a kind. Lyle was affectionately known to smile at Joanne each and every day. Friends and family could feel their love and it was infectious. Together they created a sense of home for all who encountered them. They had thirty-seven years together. Upon leaving their beloved E. Haddam Church in Connecticut, they retired and bought their home near Corporation Beach on Cape Cod. He and Joanne joined the Dennis Union Church. He was a deacon and member of the men’s group, but he especially loved the mutual trust and friendships he formed working on the annual Church Auction Tuesday “pick up crew.” His children, grandchildren, and friends enjoyed trips to the “Ashby Inn” in the summertime, enjoying walks to the beach, fun meals in the back yard and just “hanging out.” Although Lyle and Joanne lived near the beach, Lyle truly loved being near or on a mountain top. He loved to ski, and some of his fondest (and scariest) memories were skiing moguls with son Scott and daughter Karen.

Lyle and Joanne’s blended family created a tapestry woven with affection, love and connection. He is survived by his son Scott Ashby (and his wife Lilly), his daughter Karen Ashby Stoughton (and her husband Tom), their mother Mary Wheeler Ashby as well as his children through marriage, Judy Damiano (and her husband Fred), Janice Walsh (and her husband Eddie), and Lynn DeBlasio (and her husband Billy). His grandchildren loved spending time with him and traveled to Cape Cod often. He is survived by them: Anna (and her husband Pedro), Alan, Dylan, Grace, Calvin, Wyatt, Eric, Brent, Livia, Rachel, Sean, Ryan, Anthony and Nicole. He has two precious great grandchildren, Clara and Laura (of Anna and Pedro).

Lyle is also survived by his sister Coralyn Ashby Hoaglund (and her husband Larry), his sister-in-law Sylvia Ashby, and many nieces, nephews, and cousins.He is predeceased by his mother Annetta, father Lyle, brother Harold, and beloved aunts, uncles, and cousins.

A Celebration of his Life will be held at Dennis Union Church on Saturday, January 18, 2025 at 11:00 AM. In lieu of flowers donations may be made in Lyle’s memory to the Memorial Gift Fund at the Dennis Union Church.

I knew Lyle for only a short time as I became the Ashby’s handyman this past year. But it was immediately obvious to me that I was in the presence of a “powerful and gentle soul” who was at the same time an intellectual who chuckled often. I knew it frustrated him that he could no longer do repairs around the house but he graciously acquiesced. And I saw signs of his handy work throughout the house - everything was engineered to last. The pictures that adorned the walls of the “Ashby Inn” told the story of a close and loving family that will sorely miss the man. The world is less of a place without him.

Joanne, I am so sorry to hear of Lyle’s passing. What a beautiful obituary and a life so well Lived with all of the joy and blessings from his family and friends. May your wonderful memories be a comfort to you and your family. My most heartfelt condolences, Beth Silverstein

I was blessed to have had the opportunity to meet Lyle, He was a wonderful pastor to our church in East Haddam, he was there for us as friend, a counselor, a support fir those times when we needed one, he was so comforting when ever one fell hopeless and sad, he brightened my days many times!! A wonderful person a marvelous friend. May he rest in peace

We knew Lyle for many years, not just as a wonderful neighbor,but has a great friend who had a quick wit,kind and compassionate.Not too many summers ago I remember seeing him heading to the beach with two or three grandchildren squealing with delight. I said to Lyle "You have quite a handful there". He replied "Oh yeah! the other three are already there!"As life had dealt Lyle a blow he always rallied and took it in stride.It was never about him or anything negative but rather"How are you?How are the folks?"Lyle being Lyle had treated his illness as he did with other of life's indignities, with tenacity and grace.My heart goes out to Joanne and his loving family.

Joanne, we are so so sorry to hear about Lyle's passing. His obituary is absolutely beautiful. He had a life well lived with a beautiful family. May wonderful memories comfort you. You are in our thoughts and prayers. All the best, Diane Korntheuer and Peter Grzybala